Hard Past Month

I have put aside blogging for the last month because I have had so much going on. I have found myself crying at work at least once a day for the past 3 weeks. I can't seem to get myself back to being focused and it is hard to sit here everyday and want to be here.

I have been really upset and depressed about Papa passing away, and every time I began to type up something, I became emotional and had to stop. I do not think I am ready to talk too much about it yet, but I am at more of a point now where I am able to think about him and smile. Stu and I picked out the song that were going to dance to at our wedding, and I started crying because I thought about Papa not getting to see me walk down the isle and be with us to celebrate our marriage. I know that my mom and ma must be having a hard time as well, and I feel a huge ton of regret for not being able to be with them more during this difficult time for our family. Thanksgiving came and went, and it was the first time that all of the family got together and didn't have one of the Great Uncles there. Ma has 3 sisters, and now all of them are widows.

In the past 8 weeks, 7 people that I know have passed away. A week after Papa passed away, our preacher lost his father to stomach cancer, and then one of Stu's dear friends passed away. Mr. Harold was in his 90s, but had lived quit the amazing life! I remember the first time I went to church with Stu's mom and Mr. Harold introduced himself. He was a tiny old man, but full of life. Stu started to talk Clemson baseball with him, and he turned to show me his Clemson class ring from 1952! Stu read his obituary to me the night it was posted, and it is unbelievable everything that he accomplished in his time here. I hope that Papa gets an chance to make a new friend with him now that they are in Heaven together.

I got in a wreck last Friday. I had taken a half at work so I could go home and help the girls get ready for mine and Stu's engagement party that night. I left work headed to an appointment and one I left there, I stopped by Target before I was headed home to Chapin. I was stopped waiting on traffic to slow down (not at a stop light) before I turned left. The lady in the closest lane to me waved me and another car on. I looked beyond her car and there were two other suvs behind her. I did not see the woman coming fast towards me in her Nissan Altima until it was too late. I have never been in a wreck before, so it was quite the sudden shock for me. Luckily neither one of us were injured. Right after it happened, I parked my car in the median, and jumped out to make sure she was ok. I knocked on her window and saw that her air bag had released. She was on the phone and looking out the opposite window and would not look at me. I walked back to my car still in shock and said a quick prayer that everything would be ok for the both of us. There were so many emotions and thoughts going through my head. I had never been in a wreck before, much less even gotten a ticket! I knew it was my fault because I had pulled out in front of her trying to cross traffic. There were so many things that I could have done to avoid this situation. I could have left Target at the stop light, I could have not gone when the lady waved me on, I could have gone to Target in Harbison and not Greenville!! I was really down and beating myself up about and became so emotional. I didn't know what to do and how to feel about what was going on. The police were literally there in less than 3 mins and soon came the ambulance and fire truck. I called Stu and told him what was going on, and of course he left work and came to help me. It was all such a world wind.

I have so much going on right now, and the last thing I needed was to cause a wreck and now have more money to pay towards something else. I was the one ticketed, so I have a court date next Tuesday. I have been flustered taking my car to auto body shops to see how much it will be to repair the damage. The other driver hit me on the drivers side of my car in the back door. The car door is smashed in and the frame of the car in bent in, so it will not be an easy fix or cheap price to fix it.

I really just have to sit back during times like this and thank God for letting me get out safe. Thank him for letting the other driver be ok, and help her to forgive me for the pain I have caused her and her car. I pray that I can put this in my past, and not let it affect my future. I have so many things to be thankful for and I know that I do not need to harp on the small stuff that goes wrong.